daaaaaaaaaaaaamn....i'm just not a blogger anymore. i don't even think anyone but myself reads this. oh yeah, and joe....thanks for the reminder to post!
i am 30 now and it sucks butt.
i am still at symantec, but only until august.
the 14th world kendo championships will be in Sao Paolo, Brazil in August.
i really need to figure out my future after that...
i'm still single, but i crush on the oddest men.
i am hormonal and insane.
all i do is work and practice and train. kendo is my second job. i wish i had the time to find love....or manipulate shit so love finds me.
i'm the team captain...meaning i have so much more weight on my shoulders, which is affecting my performance. after this tournament, i just don't want to compete anymore. i'm done.
i remember a year ago thinking twitter was fucking retarded....and i still do. crazy how it's the new craze. why why whyyyyyy?
facebook? still not good at it. myspace? huh?
i felt so alone on friday and have been prone to anxiety and weird crazy things this year, but unexpected kind words from an unlikely source saved me from the depths of my own hell. i wonder if he'll ever really know the effect his kind gesture...
on that note...i am appreciating the smaller things much more. maybe i've finally grown up at 30? fuck no....
when i see babies, i actually feel the urge to have one....just really not into the whole gestating thing...and the part when it tears my body open to enter the world.
i have recently finally put my foot down and cut out some people from my life. very unlike me and i still feel kinda bad for it.
i hate that all these people from my past are finding me on facebook and asking what i've been up to.
none of my friends in my immediate circle are married, but some more distant friends are starting to pair off. i am officially expiring.
with marriage, the couple becomes an entity and you have to think which "pair" is good for which functions. (example, don't invite "them" cuz they're the cheap pair and will always short the bill.)
wow....
i need a hug.
i am 30 now and it sucks butt.
i am still at symantec, but only until august.
the 14th world kendo championships will be in Sao Paolo, Brazil in August.
i really need to figure out my future after that...
i'm still single, but i crush on the oddest men.
i am hormonal and insane.
all i do is work and practice and train. kendo is my second job. i wish i had the time to find love....or manipulate shit so love finds me.
i'm the team captain...meaning i have so much more weight on my shoulders, which is affecting my performance. after this tournament, i just don't want to compete anymore. i'm done.
i remember a year ago thinking twitter was fucking retarded....and i still do. crazy how it's the new craze. why why whyyyyyy?
facebook? still not good at it. myspace? huh?
i felt so alone on friday and have been prone to anxiety and weird crazy things this year, but unexpected kind words from an unlikely source saved me from the depths of my own hell. i wonder if he'll ever really know the effect his kind gesture...
on that note...i am appreciating the smaller things much more. maybe i've finally grown up at 30? fuck no....
when i see babies, i actually feel the urge to have one....just really not into the whole gestating thing...and the part when it tears my body open to enter the world.
i have recently finally put my foot down and cut out some people from my life. very unlike me and i still feel kinda bad for it.
i hate that all these people from my past are finding me on facebook and asking what i've been up to.
none of my friends in my immediate circle are married, but some more distant friends are starting to pair off. i am officially expiring.
with marriage, the couple becomes an entity and you have to think which "pair" is good for which functions. (example, don't invite "them" cuz they're the cheap pair and will always short the bill.)
wow....
i need a hug.
posted by shan at 8:35 PM
1 Comments:
I never want to get married, I never want to make babies. We are programmed by society to think that since we are 30 we need to do this shit and then we feel bad if we don't. What the hell. I felt guilty for like a year when I realized that I preferred to answer to no one but myself and never have to deal with the entanglement of marriage. To tell you the truth I couldn't be happier. I have enough on my plate dealing with my own shit, I don't want to have to navigate someone else' too. Plus how am I going to pack up and move cross continent at the drop of a hat if I have somebody who feels they are somehow a part of me. Ugh no thanks. Frailty, thy name is monogomy.
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