i am 26 years old, but i cried at practice today. well...whimpered and some tears began to well up in my eyes.

normally, my own dojo practices aren't super hard. granted, it can be a workout. but, not like team usa practices. and, it seems that after each world championships, the training gets more difficult, more physically and mentally challenging, and i get older and weaker.

we have a section of the gym for ourselves, the team usa members who are up north. we meet at my dojo on tues and thurs to practice.

practice was SO hard...the last time i remember feeling this way was at the summer kendo camps in japan when i was 15 and 16. i'm fucking 26 now.

i whimpered, "i can't do it," to my teammate, adriene.

"yes, you can." was all she replied and gave my arm a reassuring squeeze. if she didn't do that, i think i would've really started to cry.

i'm weak. i can't hang. i'm pissed at myself. y'all don't feel my pain. i'm struggling mentally and physically right now. i'm at a breaking point. this weeked is supposed to be one of the most difficult ever.

i'm in my own personal hell....and this is the path i chose.

why?