stuck
the older i become, the more i realize that i have commitment phobia. it is a fear of commitment to one person, one career, and one life.
i don't really mind the fact that i've done kendo for 20 years. i guess that part of my life doesn't really count because i enjoy being active. i don't necessarily rejoice and throw a party whenever i have to go to practice or go to the gym. but, i do like the fact that i'm exercising my body and keeping healthy. i'll be the first to complain about practice....i FUCKING HATE going to practice.
i don't like the idea of being stuck. that frightens me beyond belief.
i don't want to be stuck with one person for the rest of my life. i know that i'm SUPPOSED to. i do love one person almost more than i love myself (ha!), but how do i know that this is the one person i want to be with FOREVER UNTIL DEATH DO US PART?! booooooooooooring.
career....i do NOT WANT TO GET STUCK doing one thing for the REST OF MY LIFE. oh, god....is this what life is about? how fucking boring. I DON'T WANT TO BECOME COMPLACENT. I DON'T WANT TO BE STUCK.
also, the older i become, the less i'm willing to compromise myself for anyone. geez...it IS difficult to teach an old dog new tricks. or is it? maybe it just takes the RIGHT person to make me WANT to change things about myself? or, maybe it just takes some chocolate.
i realize i'm one of the most selfish people on earth. i'm lazy. i'm intolerant. i'm impatient and tend to get short with those i'm close to. i'm critical. i'm condescending. i can be inconsiderate. i love arguing. i'm VERY shallow. i'm racist sometimes (i don't mean to be, but i'm discovering that i just might be....). i can be narrow minded. i envy. i love to throw pity parties for myself. i tend to subconsciously edit people's emails or correct their grammar. i'm reserved in social settings. i'm emotionally high maintenance. i'm the biggest brat. i'm a shameless reality television addict. i fucking love TV. i love carbs. and, you know what?
if you can't accept that, then FUCK YOU.
time to go to the gym. sigh...
i don't really mind the fact that i've done kendo for 20 years. i guess that part of my life doesn't really count because i enjoy being active. i don't necessarily rejoice and throw a party whenever i have to go to practice or go to the gym. but, i do like the fact that i'm exercising my body and keeping healthy. i'll be the first to complain about practice....i FUCKING HATE going to practice.
i don't like the idea of being stuck. that frightens me beyond belief.
i don't want to be stuck with one person for the rest of my life. i know that i'm SUPPOSED to. i do love one person almost more than i love myself (ha!), but how do i know that this is the one person i want to be with FOREVER UNTIL DEATH DO US PART?! booooooooooooring.
career....i do NOT WANT TO GET STUCK doing one thing for the REST OF MY LIFE. oh, god....is this what life is about? how fucking boring. I DON'T WANT TO BECOME COMPLACENT. I DON'T WANT TO BE STUCK.
also, the older i become, the less i'm willing to compromise myself for anyone. geez...it IS difficult to teach an old dog new tricks. or is it? maybe it just takes the RIGHT person to make me WANT to change things about myself? or, maybe it just takes some chocolate.
i realize i'm one of the most selfish people on earth. i'm lazy. i'm intolerant. i'm impatient and tend to get short with those i'm close to. i'm critical. i'm condescending. i can be inconsiderate. i love arguing. i'm VERY shallow. i'm racist sometimes (i don't mean to be, but i'm discovering that i just might be....). i can be narrow minded. i envy. i love to throw pity parties for myself. i tend to subconsciously edit people's emails or correct their grammar. i'm reserved in social settings. i'm emotionally high maintenance. i'm the biggest brat. i'm a shameless reality television addict. i fucking love TV. i love carbs. and, you know what?
if you can't accept that, then FUCK YOU.
time to go to the gym. sigh...
posted by shan at 12:50 PM
1 Comments:
Yet we keep coming back for more Shannon!
Cheer up, girl! We're all self-centered, shallow, and petty. It's what makes us human.
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