bite me.....literally
i rarely write about personal shit, but i feel compelled to write about this one. when it comes to love, why are people masochistic? why can't we just go for the easier path? instead, we prefer to choose the one that entails more suffering and lonliness. i just don't get it....
i did some spring cleaning and made the WORST mistake of looking through some old stuff from previous boyfriends. to be specific, i looked through old letters and cards that i came upon. i'm the type that'll save stuff from previous boyfriends......as sick little mementos to remind me of what i used to have....hahaha. i have them in their own individual boxes or bags according to each dude. some people are just that way. psychotic. or, maybe just organized.
there was so much love, devotion, and effort that i was completely blinded to at the time. i came across a STACK of HAND WRITTEN SNAIL MAIL letters from a guy. who knew that guys could be caring and considerate? well, the ones you desire never are. instead of staying with these men who obviously would move heaven and earth for me, and who love me for the sick, neurotic person that i am, i opt for the path alone and pine for those disgusting males who could not even begin to comprehend such acts of love and kindness. i love the pain, the challenge, the blood guts and glory of it all. of course any person would rather go through all the personal drama and internal struggle than to be loved, duh. silly wabbit, trix are for kids. i just don't get it...we're all idiots. i hate being a girl sometimes....
well, all my girlfriends and close friends know why i'm not with these guys....hahaha... but, still.
lesson learned: don't go through old shit from past loves...especially through those who's hearts you broke.
i did some spring cleaning and made the WORST mistake of looking through some old stuff from previous boyfriends. to be specific, i looked through old letters and cards that i came upon. i'm the type that'll save stuff from previous boyfriends......as sick little mementos to remind me of what i used to have....hahaha. i have them in their own individual boxes or bags according to each dude. some people are just that way. psychotic. or, maybe just organized.
there was so much love, devotion, and effort that i was completely blinded to at the time. i came across a STACK of HAND WRITTEN SNAIL MAIL letters from a guy. who knew that guys could be caring and considerate? well, the ones you desire never are. instead of staying with these men who obviously would move heaven and earth for me, and who love me for the sick, neurotic person that i am, i opt for the path alone and pine for those disgusting males who could not even begin to comprehend such acts of love and kindness. i love the pain, the challenge, the blood guts and glory of it all. of course any person would rather go through all the personal drama and internal struggle than to be loved, duh. silly wabbit, trix are for kids. i just don't get it...we're all idiots. i hate being a girl sometimes....
well, all my girlfriends and close friends know why i'm not with these guys....hahaha... but, still.
lesson learned: don't go through old shit from past loves...especially through those who's hearts you broke.
posted by shan at 2:34 PM
4 Comments:
I know what you mean. I did some post-japan pre-england cleaning myself and came across all of these old letters and shit and I still wish that I had the resolve to get rid of them. But I didn't, and when I do a little spring cleaning again in 10 years, I'll be forced to walk down that path again. We ARE idiots.
Like you kind of said in the end you and your friends know why you ended relationships I'm still kind of reminded of a saying, "ah! those were the days... only in retrospect." I mean, sure when you look back at things you remember the good old times, but seldom do you remember the hardships. Think of high school, almost everyone hated it at the time, but when you look back at it you kind of remember the good ole memories instead of the pain with your family, friends, and identity.
so don't think about the good stuff with them, just think about the bad :-p.
oh my god, you and me are the same person! I have an entire storage locker in Canada full of the following:
1) furniture
2) books
3) boxes full of letters and emails from old boyfriends.
Dude, I printed out EVERY email from my old boyfriend Andre (who ended up persuing a career as a porn star upon our demise if that explains what kind of winner he was) and kept them in a box. I am now spending 80 bucks a month to store them. I am going to make a huge sacrificial fire when I hit Vancouver on a pitstop on my way to Brazil. I will toss all that crap in the fire and dance around it flalling and casting off the ghosts of the past.
As for us always picking the difficult route...hey girl, I'm dating a non-english speaking, divorced father who has somehow managed to convince me that I want to move to Brazil! I can SOOO relate!
Love ya
J
grace...i miss you so much and you still havn't emailed me your contact info. :(
joe....porn star, huh? you NEED to blog that one...or maybe you already have. i totally think you should go to brazil, girl!! do it for love!!! i'll come visit too!
will.....if you only knew.
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